Transformation is the reward of Trust.
The changes in thought paradigms, personal values, and belief structures that occur can be painful, as it is often a result of circumstances that force the burning off of all that is inessential. This refinement is necessary as it is the gateway to catharsis and liberty. However, that doesn’t mean that the path toward transformation is easy or even transparent.
But hey, that's what makes it fun, right?
After all, at the heart of things, isn’t what we all desire; freedom? Each of us reaching for a measure of personal liberty. Seeking The kind of agency that allows for self-expression and unmitigated self-actualization.... To live in the fullness of who you were created to be. I think that level of self-realization is much of what makes up the substance of both personal satisfaction and dissatisfaction in the way we view our lives.
Yet, for many, there seems to be innumerable barriers and blockades at every turn. Many people are dogged by the nagging anxieties that plague the lack of measurable success. Moving forward becomes impossible when you get caught up in things like - What will my family think? How will my friends react? What about my partner... Will they leave… Or worse... Will they laugh? How will I survive if everyone I know looks at whom I've become and doesn't like what they see? Will anyone take me seriously? Or my personal favourite… who the hell am I to do or talk about any of this?
All those questions are not bad, and they're not wrong to ask. They are perfectly rational and sensible questions. Wondering at the validity of your qualifications is, in my opinion, one point of measurable self-awareness. And, to be completely honest, this self-awareness is only attainable if you, in fact, are concerned with your impact on those around you. A.K.A. giving a fuck.
You might be thinking… but doesn't that make me weak? Doesn't that mean I'm attracting the wrong things or sending out the wrong vibes? Doesn't that mean I'm giving my power away to someone else?
Well, my sweet mystic, let me relieve you of that fear... HELL NO! Read that twice! HELL, NO, it does not make you weak, Nor does it mean that you are attracting more of what you don’t want, and it certainly doesn't mean that you are giving away your power. However, it does make you vulnerable! Now, before you pack up your sage and stop reading, let me expand on why being vulnerable, caring what others think (to an extent) and being sensitive is not only normal and healthy but absolutely critical to your success.
Questioning anything is the beginning place of growth.
Caring about what others think is an integral part of the system of your survival imperative. In other words, to some degree, caring about what others think can, in fact, make a difference in terms of your safety and survival. If you think back to when we lived in smaller communities or tribal groups, the thoughts of our caretakers were often born of experience, and we consulted with our elders and fellow community members in order to sustain ourselves safely.
Like, imagine you and I are walking to the local watering hole. When we arrive, we see a really LARGE kitty.
Now, I LOVE cats and pretty much want to pet all of them and give them snacky treats. So imagine if you told me, Alysa, I don’t think you should pet that kitty (in this case, let's pretend the kitty is a super hungry person-eating tiger. what? Tigers are kitties too); it will eat your face off. To which I look at you with a big disbelieving grin and say to you … I don’t care what you think, kitties are good and it clearly needs me!
Then I proceed to go skipping over to said LARGE kitty, only to realize a second, and a face-eating-bite too late, that maybe you were right and what you thought about the big kitty was correct after all. That would be a super hard lesson, wouldn't it?!
So even if that was a silly example of how caring about what others think can have a very real and practical role in your decision-making, I’m sure you get the idea.
Yet, as always, there is a notable caveat to that. At the end of the day, you should NEVER, and I mean never, ever replace someone else's judgment or thoughts for your own inner wisdom. Aside from your personal safety and holistic well-being, taking a discerning approach is ALWAYS wise.
But Alysa, what if I want to make changes, I’ve asked my friends, family, guides and goldfish and I still feel lost, unsafe or scared to move ahead? What if I try to make big changes, and I’m still stuck?? Then what, Alysa? Then what??
Well, darling, there are two things I will say to you regarding that.
Thing number 1: Most of us, myself included, sometimes spend a lot of time feeling lost, confused and scared.
We all either try to hide it to varying degrees of success, or we muddle through.
Thing number 2: ADVOCATE FOR YOURSELF! Ask for help!
For many people, staying silent and invisible is easier than dealing with what they believe will likely be the harsh criticism, rejection and/or dismissive treatment from those they love. Some people believe the people they are asking for support from will have a negative opinion of them or what they wish to do with their lives. Other times it's a matter of feeling unworthy, and as though asking for anything you’re not “owed’ is going to be a MASSIVE hardship or imposition on the person/s you request assistance from.
See, the trouble with this thinking is that sometimes it's true, and sometimes it's not. When thinking this way, again, you are doing a very normal and rational thing. You are assessing risk! If you believe the risk to be too significant, you will likely find yourself standing on the sidelines of your life, longing for that day that ain’t ever gonna dawn.
Ouch, oof, truth.
If you are still with me, Mystic adventurer, I’d like to invite you into an exploration. Especially if there are things in your life you wish to do but feel you can’t, or if there is an aspect of your identity that you keep hidden.
I would like to invite you to think about the nature of permanence!
What, what’s that you say, Alysa? Permanence? What the HELL does that have to do with anything?
Yes, Mystic, permanence. And, it has to do with everything!
As human beings, we often think about our lives from the perspective of absolutes. We look at situations and say to ourselves, I absolutely adore chocolate and absolutely hate butterscotch. I absolutely think that if I tell my friends, I see dead people, they will absolutely think I’m barking mad, and they will absolutely treat me differently or stop speaking to me altogether. Or, I must quit my accounts receivable job to be a successful spiritual practitioner.
Welp, I’m here to tell you when you are thinking of things from the perspectives of absolutes, you are in BIG trouble. Because nothing is genuinely absolute, and this is because nothing lasts forever on the physical plane. Therefore, even circumstances, opinions and beliefs are subject to change. This is really good news because as you continue to transform through your own natural evolution, so too does everything (and everyone else) around you. Nothing remains the same because nothing on this plane of existence is permanent.
So, while you may have been telling yourself that you shouldn’t care about what others think, and you should adopt an “I don’t give a F*CK” attitude that will empower you with just enough worthiness to embrace your truest self… I’m here lovingly holding up a HUGE sign that says… “WRONG WAY.”
You don’t need to do that at all. You need to give plenty of F*cks! Part of caring what others think helps you to remain sensitive, aware, emotionally intelligent… and… dare I say, compassionate. Understanding that transformation, evolution and caring can all coexist is like having a superpower that imbues you with the worthiness, clarity and direction you have been seeking.
But there is one rule about using this superpower.
Learn what to give your attention to!
This, my dear Mystic, is an acquired skill. You will have to consciously sift through self-imposed garbage your WHOLE life. You will have moments where you return to the waiting place and or the lands of confusion and the sandbar of inaction many, many, many times in your life. This is an irrefutable fact of life. Sometimes life circumstances or even people will knock you on your ass, sending you spinning in every direction except for the one that leads you home leads you home.
Finding your way back is far easier than you think. It always begins with accepting your humanness, which leads to asking for help. Which means, you, like me, like everyone else, takes a wee bit of bravery and trust. When you can extend those things, transformation is inevitable.
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All my love.